Fears, Secrets, and Other Hidden Things
by Kagedtiger
Summary: [shounen ai: Gateau x Marron], [implied MarronCarrot [onesided]] Marron has been zoning out lately during battles, and Gateau is determined to find out why. However, he may not be prepared for what he discovers.


Fears, Secrets, and Other Hidden Things

  


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**Notes/Disclaimer: Sorceror Hunters does not belong to me. Really, I would only really want Marron, if I had the choice. And maybe Gateau, so Marron wouldn't be lonely. Anyway, I'm not making money from this, so there's nothing to sue me for. **

I have only read the manga for this series. I know absolutely nothing about the anime, though if anyone else knows where I can get it subtitled (preferably on DVD) I would be very grateful. This takes place... er... sometime during their adventures.  
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You know that feeling you get when you've let everyone around you down? You know everyone is staring at you, and you try to ignore it, but you can just _feel_ their stares boring into you, full of accusation. 

_Your fault. Your fault. Your fault._

And you're angry at them, because you know they're right. You know they're right but you wish that they would forgive you anyway. You screwed up, but you're not perfect right? Except you know that if they did forgive you you'd only feel more guilty for it. Because you know it really is your fault and you really did let everyone down. 

I hate that feeling. I think it's one of the worst feelings in the world. 

A close second, however, is watching someone else go through it. 

"Marron, what's wrong with you?" says Chocolat accusingly. "You idiot. We all could have gotten killed back there! We were counting on you!" 

"I know,"' Marron mumbles, almost unintelligible. "I'm sorry." 

"Sure you are," Chocolat presses, "and you know how much 'sorry' would have meant if one of us had _died_?! This is getting ridiculous Marron! You've been doing this all the time lately!" 

"Look, Chocolat," I say, stepping between her and Marron, "I think you've said enough, okay? Marron knows he screwed up, so just drop it." 

Chocolat sneers. "Stay out of it Gateau. You know he wouldn't have made such a big mistake if his precious '_'niisan's_' life was in danger." 

Marron looks extremely hurt, but before I can say anything else, Carrot interjects. 

"That's _enough_ Chocolat! Gateau's right. Marron feels bad enough as it is. Let it go, okay?" 

Chocolat immediately becomes more contrite, but she still casts a last frown in Marron's direction. "Sorry," she says, but we can all tell that she doesn't mean it. 

It was a pretty routine mission, all things considered. A sorceror had gotten a bit ahead of himself and summoned a monster that he couldn't handle. Now the creature, an enormous hairy bear-like thing with green horns and a long, scaley tail, was rampaging through the sorceror's hometown and killing everyone. The creature was strong, but not too bright, so it shouldn't have been a big deal. 

The plan was for Tira and Carrot to evacuate all the townspeople. Meanwhile, Chocolat would act as bait for the monster while Marron cast a defensive spell around her, allowing her to stay close enough to it to keep it fully occupied so its attention would be off the fleeing villagers. Then, when we were sure everyone was safe, Chocolat was going to let it get really close, all the way up to the sheild. Hopefully, the creature would give enough attention to getting at Chocolat that I could sneak up behind it and knock it unconscious. 

The plan worked pretty well at first. Chocolat was a magnificent decoy, and several times the creature came within feet of hitting her. (I know that doesn't sound like much, but consider the fact that the claws in question were about a foot long each.) In fact, it worked perfectly up until the point where Chocolat was supposed to let the bear-monster at the sheild. 

The sheild wasn't there. 

And because it only took seconds for the huge paw to pin Chocolat to the ground, my approach didn't go unnoticed. 

In the end Tira and Carrot got back in time to pull our butts out of the fire. While Carrot distracted the creature, Tira slipped close to the monster's paw and got her sister out from under it. Then the two girls teamed up and with a little help from me we managed to put the bear down. 

We didn't come away unscathed however. Chocolat has a long cut down her left side, from a little above her waist all the way down to her knee. It's not really deep, but it bled enough to give us a good scare. Tira was also mauled up quite a bit and even I have a number of bloody scratches on my face. Very few of mine are from actual contact with the bear; most, if not all, of them are the result of flying debris hitting me in the face. Still, they sting like hell anyway. 

And now the lot of us are sitting around a campfire on the outskirts of the (now quite damaged) city, and Chocolat is still glaring at Marron. 

She does have a point though. This isn't the first time that Marron has zoned out on us in a battle. This is only the first time that we've gotten so hurt because of it. Marron has been spacing more and more often during missions. Sometimes he doesn't perform up to his usual level; his magic's not as powerful as usual, or he can't dodge as fast. Sometimes, like today, he just seems to drift off altogether, leaving us without our magic backup. 

I think mainly Chocolat's just angry because a beast got the better of her and she was vulnerable for a time. She hates being vulnerable. Not to mention the fact that she now has a long scar that may or may not heal completely. She's already made Carrot swear to her that it doesn't make her any less desirable. 

Marron stares into the fire, no doubt still feeling the glares upon him. Even Tira is pissed with him, and that almost never happens. After a few moments he stands, mutters something about taking a walk, and stumbles away, towards the top of the forested hill that we are currently camped at the base of. 

I look around at the rest of the group, but no one seems inclined to follow him. I would think at least Carrot would go, but he doesn't meet my eyes when I look over at him. Finally I rise from my seat with a sigh and follow Marron off into the trees. 

The forest we're in is really only on one side of the hill and it clears out as you reach the summit, offering a great view of the surrounding landscape. The moon is already quite high up and almost full; the pale silvery light casts every shape into sharp relief, shining highlights and dark, almost demonic shadows. I find Marron at the top of the hill, sitting at the base of one of the most outlying trees and gazing across the moonlit wilderness. 

"Hey," I say softly, not wanting to startle him. It can be dangerous to startle Marron, though in this state I don't know if he'd even notice. 

"Go away," he says just as quietly, never moving his gaze from the sweeping fields below the hill. 

"I don't think so." I suddenly find that I need to know what's wrong with him. This has gone on too long, and I seem to be the only one willing to cut the guy some slack anymore. I'm probably the only one he can safely talk to about whatever's bothering him. 

"Gateau, it's none of your business," he says sharply. I look him over and notice that his hands are clenched in his lap so tightly that the knuckles are turning white. Or maybe that's just a trick of the moonlight. 

"I'm one of those people who almost got killed today because you didn't come through," I remind him without malice. "I think I at least deserve some kind of explanation." 

"I've had a lot on my mind," he says curtly, not volunteering anything else. 

I can see that this will take a bit of coaxing. I sit next to him (it's a big tree, so there's ample room) and sigh, leaning against the smooth bark of the tree trunk. 

"You know," I say slowly, "there aren't all that many things that can drive a man to enough distraction to put his comrades' lives in danger. I know there was only one thing that ever made me that focused and that was when I was trying to get my sister back. Usually what focuses you is a very intense love or an equally intense hate. Which is it for you?" 

"Hate," Marron hisses, and I can tell that he didn't mean to say it; it just slipped out. My eyes widen. 

"Who do you hate so much?" 

"I won't tell you." 

This is getting frustrating. "Come on," I say, "you have to tell me. You have to tell someone, because it's important that you get it out. If you don't tell me, then you'll probably have to tell Carrot or even-" 

"Me," he interrupts, his voice still an angry low hiss. "It's me, okay. I hate myself." 

This is even more surprising. "You hate yourself? Why? What could you possibly hate about yourself?" 

Marron's voice softens a bit until it sounds almost pitiful, like that of a small child. "I can't tell you. You'll hate me too." 

"No Marron," I say, "I promise you, whatever it is, I will not hate you." 

There is a short moment of silence in which Marron seems to be battling with himself. Finally he lets out a tiny, almost inaudible sigh. 

"I'm in love," he whispers. 

"In love?" I ask, confused, how can that-" 

"You don't understand," he moans. "It's Carrot. I'm in love with my brother." 

That stops me cold. "Oh. You... Oh." 

"See?" Marron pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly to himself. "I told you that you would hate me." 

"I don't hate you Marron," I hasten to reassure him. "But... Why? Why Carrot?" 

Marron continues to stare into the distance, not looking at me. "Why not? How could I possibly not? He's the only person who's ever really cared about me. He protects me. And even though he's a real flake sometimes, any idiot can see how sweet he is underneath it all. Most of all though, he really _loves_ me. No one else does." 

"What about me?" I ask, slightly miffed. "I only tell you that every day." 

Marron snorts derisively. "You. You don't care about me. You're only obsessed with physical beauty. You may tell me that, but you also tell it to all the girls you flirt with. To Tira. To anyone even vaguely good-looking that you happen to be trying to impress. You just see me as another pretty face that might inflate your ego by telling you how nice your muscles look." 

I'm shocked speechless. Is this really what Marron thinks of me? Could he really have such a low opinion of my moral fiber? 

"That-That's not true!" I stutter, finding my voice again at last. "That's not what I believe at all. Marron, I may flirt with everyone, but only because I thought you weren't actually interested in guys. I... The only reason I never stopped flirting with you was because I couldn't bring myself to give you up. It's not just a lot of macho posturing. I mean, I guess sometimes it is. But I really do care about you. I swear." 

He looks at me for the first time all evening, and I see a strange, intense fear in his eyes. Is this really what has been throwing him off lately? 

"It's not just your brother, is it?" I ask softly. "You're scared that no one loves you. You're clinging to him because he's the only sure affection in your life." 

"I-I don't know." Marron sounds just like a small child now. "Maybe. I just... With what we do, I'm so scared. I'm afraid I'll die without ever really being in love. I want to be in love before I die." 

Okay, we've crossed the line into morbid. "Look, Marron." I get up, shifting so that I'm right in front of him. I put my arms on his shoulders and look into his eyes. "First of all, you're not going to die anytime soon. Yeah, this is a dangerous line of work, but if we all keep looking out for each other, we'll be fine. Second, you don't have to worry about love. Don't try to force it, okay? It may seem to you like you're in love with your brother, but you can't really know that unless you've experienced what love could be like with someone else. ...If you'd have me, I'm willing to be that someone else." 

He looks at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. 

"I'm sorry," he says suddenly. "All this time you've been with us. I've always looked through you, but I've never really seen you." 

I smile. "You see me now though, right?" 

He nods. 

I'm not sure if he's accepted me yet, but this is too good of an opportunity to waste. I lean in and kiss him. To my intense satisfaction, he blushes but does not look displeased. We're making progress. 

"Look," I tell him sincerely, "if it doesn't work out between us, you can go back to Carrot and I won't think any less of you. But Marron... I know Carrot, and I think I know him well enough to say that he could never love you like that. I'm sorry but, he's a born skirt-chaser." 

Marron nods sadly. "I know." 

I kiss him again and this time he responds to it lightly, kissing me back. I smile when we break away. "So are you willing to try this, then?" 

He nods, looking happier than I've seen him in weeks, and for the third time, we kiss. 

I realize suddenly that I lied to him. 

No matter how he feels for anyone else, I don't think I could stand it if this were to end. 

  


  


- THE END -

Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author. 


End file.
